How many times have we been tempted to throw away important decisions in our lives, thinking it would be the most effective way to eliminate our problems in one second?
Have we done it? Did we succeed? or … What we wanted to remove has appeared again just around the corner in a short space of time?
This is what will happen if we do not decide to face our challenges in a resilient manner.
This is a decision, not an impulse, and it requires work and more work.
When we stop bemoaning the suffering and continue our course in spite of the difficulties, we practice resilience. What characterizes resilient individuals is their desire to progress and pursue their goals in a hostile environment. Instead of subscribing to the complaint, they’re committed to build their own future.
Adopting a resilient attitude as adults can only bring benefits, and as parents it is necessary to do it. We know that we educate our children by example, so facing complex situations with resilience will be recorded naturally in their brains.
Current research shows that positive emotions reduce stress and anxiety resulting from adverse situations. These positive emotions produce a calming effect by lessening the impact of negative emotions, and by also smoothing relations with the social environment.
In an ADHD world this is very important, especially in adolescence. If a child has mastered resilience techniques, he will be able to counteract the weight of negative emotions (low self-esteem, feelings of loneliness and misunderstanding), and have less fighting (or at least less) with his family, school or friends.
Staying in this emotional state is very difficult because the internal conflict is like a boxing combat where they are knocked out most of the time, BUT, that’s the goal: get to that positive emotional mindset allowing connections for personal growth. Do not forget that our children are, at most, very talented.
One of the functions of a leader is to provide the maximum opportunities for growth for employees and to unlock their talent so they may feel fulfilled. Well, we have to do the same: encourage any possibility in which a positive emotion can be inspiring for personal development. Put simply, we must never forget to reinforce the achievements and successes that our children attain. They are particularly fragile and at their adolescent stage, where they might lose many points of support, instinctively they’ll have the temptation of isolating themselves, which eventually can be very harmful.
The basic attitude of a resilient person is to perceive difficult situations as challenges rather than situations to be avoided… His mind is trained to maintain a realistic perspective, a focus on the positive aspects that already exist, and he constantly wonders what he can in his own circle do to make a positive impact. All this reflects the ability to retain a state of equilibrium.
As parents, it is essential to maintain a resilient mind and help our children to confront all odds (the teacher says I’m a very bad boy. Everybody but me has been invited to a birthday party. The teacher told me that I’m not good at anything. My classmates went on an excursion yesterday but I wasn’t invited to come along. I do not want to be your son; I’m leaving home …).
Our heart starts bleeding when we hear this…How can we overcome it and still keep a positive emotion? It seems impossible.
IMPOSSIBLE? How about associating resilience and courage? Surely we have been courageous in many moments of our life and we won. How did we feel being winners? What motivated us to fight?… And what is happening now?
We should not forget that in our attempts to educate children in a resilient environment, courage must be present. Because it is an exemplary attitude, and because our ADHD’s, who, by the way, do not understand intentions (see my post ‘My vision in front of your NO Intention’), must learn to measure the risks they decide to take. Courageous to make decisions, courageous to consider the positive side and not sink. And credit for that. Let’s encourage them to take small actions every day, learn from failures and view those as traffic signals in helping them to take the right path.
Sometimes, they want to go too far in their ‘experiments’, but as TS Eliot said ‘Only those who risk going too far, can probably find out how far they can go’. They are not able to see the future so why not show them what they’ve learned from the past, and raise awareness of their strengths? Those that will help them face the challenges of their lifes.
How to develop a resilient mind? Here are some keys:
– Check your negative internal conversations, which are simply ineffective excuses that paralyze us: there will be no change unless we actively participate in our own life.
– Look at life through the eyes of others: resilient people have satisfying relationships with their environment
– Communicate effectively: the more we verbalize our feelings, thoughts and beliefs, the easier we will be able to develop greater resilience.
– Accept yourself and others: this will create realistic expectations about ourselves and those around us. If we know what are our values are; things that really matter, we will see our strengths and our vulnerabilities too. Together they have to keep us in balance, and allow us to live an honest and enriching life.
– Cultivate a circle of friends, people that you find interesting, inspiring. And, think how you can help people who approach you.
– Learn to handle errors and just ask yourself: What can I do next time in order not to repeat the same mistakes and fail?
– Do not forget to manage your successes. They will help you identify your strengths, on which you have to build yourself.
– Continue to develop your self-discipline and your self-control. Remember that with effort and patience, the possible solutions are transformed into potential solutions.
Clearly, cultivating a resilient mind is not easy. Not at all. But if we are brave, and practice, we will find those paths those which lead us to a more productive, more fulfilling life.This will allow us to plan and dream, bring happiness to others, laugh, and appreciate that we too can be masters of our lives . LET’s START!